Got a toothbrush?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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