You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
