I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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