When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
