"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
