we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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