hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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