Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
