i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She's the barista slut.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
