Tell her she can't have a vagina
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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