Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
