Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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