She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
