Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
