I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
