just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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