Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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