My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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