i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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