Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
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Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
How does one acquire holy water?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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