I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
