my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My liver just had a heart attack.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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