toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
