census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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