32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
