she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
