I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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