just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
