using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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