Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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