i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
