Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
