I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
