There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
