you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
