There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
