I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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