I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
