next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
