Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize