Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
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Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
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Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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