I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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