She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
