i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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