happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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