I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
