i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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