I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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