I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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