Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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