never play flip cup with pint glasses
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
no you cant smoke seaweed
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
