she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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