New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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