I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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