I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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