Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
